Raising school-aged kids is a time meant to be cherished — you get to witness their first friendships, see your children’s hidden talents come to light, and marvel as their personalities take shape. The ages between six and 12 are so full of wonderful firsts, but they can also carry a lot of emotional burden on parents, as it takes a lot of invisible work that not many talk about.
Along with having to make sure you’re meeting your kids’ physical and emotional needs, there’s also planning meals, handling doctor appointments, juggling everyone’s schedules, and making some difficult decisions.
I’m sure that many parents will agree that, at the end of the day, all you want to do is crash into bed and fall into blissful sleep, only to wake up the next morning and do it all over again.
As kids become teens, some of the work does get easier, but school-aged kids need a lot more attention. You have to be there for skinned knees, navigate playground teasing, and teach them how to be decent human beings.
Even if you have a partner who carries half of the load, you’re likely still living an everyday life that requires an enormous amount of unseen labor that rarely gets acknowledged. But while you may not feel it, other moms see you. And we may not talk about it as much as we should, but sometimes parenthood can feel awfully lonely.
Parenting school-aged kids can feel lonely
When you’re raising school-aged kids, your entire life revolves around them. Hanging out with friends and going on date nights with your partner becomes sparse, and even if you do get adult time, you’re probably talking about your kids.
I remember the days of constantly having “Blue’s Clues” and “Thomas & Friends” on repeat. I could sing all of the kids’ shows’ theme songs in my sleep, and forget about having time to enjoy the shows I loved.
Without realizing it, my identity had completely shifted, and I could hardly remember the person I was before having kids.
Parenting this age group is just non-stop kid-related stuff, and you’re probably constantly surrounded by your children and spouse. But yet, there’s a feeling of loneliness you can’t escape.
Especially if you’re a stay-at-home mom, meaningful contact with other parents is rare. Sure, you see each other at birthday parties and play dates, but conversation is usually superficial. It’s hard to get deep when half of your attention is making sure the kids don’t fall or spill juice box contents on the sofa.
If this resonates with you, you’re not alone. A study done by the Ohio State University Wexner Medical Center revealed that 66% of parents felt lonely, with 38% feeling a lack of support at home.
A mom named Anne Helms, who works from home and is on video chats frequently, told the publication that it’s hard to get beyond just business talk. “There are some days where the most chit-chat or idle talk that I get is with my dog because I work alone,” she stated.
Kate Gawlik, associate clinical professor of The Ohio State University College of Nursing, shared her own experience with feeling lonely: “Even the places that I do try and seek out other parents, it’s kind of like we’re lost in the shuffle because it’s at daycare drop-off or pick-up, where everyone just has tunnel vision. And I think it’s hard to make friends when you’re feeling vulnerable.”
How parents can lighten the load without doing more
Feeling overwhelmed with parenthood is more common than you think, even if many don’t admit to it openly. It may seem impossible to offset responsibilities, because everything on your plate is important.
However, you can make your day-to-day easier with just a few simple hacks. Some parents shared their ideas on a Reddit thread, with one offering, “I walk around my house and talk to Siri to add reminders on my phone. ‘Set a reminder to replace light bulb in bathroom.’ ‘Set a reminder to return Amazon package.’ It’s just a big brain dump, and it’s easy to bang out one or two things when I have a few free minutes.” The Reddit user also suggested habit stacking, such as unloading the dishwasher while the coffee is being made.
Apps are also a great tool for assistance around the house, with several Reddit users sharing that Todoist and Plan To Eat help them stay on task and organize weekly meals.
One wrote, “For groceries, we have a really good pantry. We often only need produce, dairy, and meats. So that makes it easy for us.” So, parents, use your Costco or BJs memberships to stock up on non-perishables when you can, and pop to the grocery store if you need chicken or milk.
I love doing a Trader Joe’s run every once in a while to get ready-to-make frozen meals like chicken fried rice, mac and cheese balls, and kimbap. Those make for great school lunches and after-school snacks that can be reheated within minutes.
And, if you feel pressured to be a “Pinterest mom,” remind yourself that life will go on if you don’t make star-shaped sandwiches and a fruit skewer for their bento box lunches.
Why community matters more now than ever
Just reading the Reddit comments shows that we’re not alone in feeling the invisible work of parenting young kids, and you can find your online community. Parenthood Together is dedicated to fostering that conversation and allowing folks to vent and share their struggles.
Our Facebook page allows you to post anonymously, so if you value privacy, we totally embrace that. Many members are also real-life friends, or have become close through online interactions, and no matter what you share, you’ll feel the support. We’re all about building a sense of community, no matter where you are in your parenting journey.
Join us here to become a member if you’re not already, and sign up for our newsletters that provide tips, insight on parenting, and fun stuff, like shopping deals (click here). Because after all, some retail therapy is one way to escape the mental load of parenting school-aged kids.
